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Carrol Vertrees: 2012 was a year for God, guns and wackos

Carrol Vertrees

Carrol Vertrees

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Updated: February 26, 2013 2:40PM



Whew! It was a wacky world in 2012, but it didn’t end as some people predicted. So we are in for more wacky stuff in 2013.

One of these years, maybe an evangelist, or a talk show guy who is in direct touch with the orchestrators of our world, will confidently predict when it will end, and if by some miracle he is right, he will be awfully disappointed when there is no one left to hear him say “I told you so!”

Falling off the fiscal cliff has sounded scary enough, but I figured that if the folks in Washington went first it wouldn’t be so sad. (Just kidding.) I think, though, that they planned to stay behind and blame somebody else. Maybe God.

The awful slaughter in that Connecticut school may suggest to some that mankind has been around too long, and is too slow to grasp reality: Guns really do kill.

But I was glad to learn that you and I bear no blame for the catastrophe that took so many innocent lives.

No, God did it. That revelation comes from a religious group called Westboro Baptist Church. Those folks claimed to be in touch with God’s plan for reward and punishment. Theology for dummies, maybe.

They wanted to picket the school principal’s funeral, but a group of motorcyclists prevented it. Bless them, I say.

The religious know-it-all bunch planned to “sing praise to God for the glory of his work in executing judgment.”

They blamed the mass shooting on Connecticut’s same-sex marriage legislation. I wonder how God would have accomplished this if there were no guns. Maybe with sling shots. You know — like David knocking off Goliath.

Some other wacko groups have suggested that God sends awful storms to punish folks who don’t do his will. That includes innocent people, I reckon. Some think God helps when a guy is shooting free throws. Unsophisticated, theologically deprived guys like me cannot grasp such profound stuff.

The gun thing is far too complex for a simple guy like me to understand. There is a question, though, that bugs me. Where do those young punks who have nothing worthwhile or honorable to do get their guns they use to shoot their way around in our cities?

A gun fellow says we need more guns to protect ourselves with. Maybe out by the OK Corral, but in our homes and schools?

Never fear. This will pass. And it will happen again.

Some really deep political talk has helped keep the wacko tone alive.

Like this Perry fellow from Texas who in his presidential campaign promised to abolish three governmental agencies. He named two but forgot the third.

Another guy, whose name I forget, wondered why airplanes at 30,000 feet or so don’t have windows that will open in case of fire.

But the wackiest of all has almost brought me to my old knees — no not in prayer, but in near surrender. Those credit-debit card mechanisms in stores should all work the same. Swipe your card. Press this. Push that. Sign here.

I was in three stores the other day and had to get help from cheery young checkout girls. Me, (I?) a college graduate from Elnora!

The Westboro bunch may say that God is embarrassing me for not paying cash. What the heck is cash?



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