My fiance might be an alcoholic

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Updated: February 29, 2012 8:01AM

Dr. Wallace: I’m 19, and my fiance is 21. He wants to set a date for our marriage, but I keep stalling because I’m not so sure I want to marry him. Don’t get me wrong. He is a great guy with many fine qualities, but he has one major flaw. He consumes much more alcohol than he should. His father is an alcoholic and has been hospitalized several times for alcohol-related illnesses. His mother considers herself a “social drinker.”

Both of my parents are nondrinkers. I, too, have never tasted alcohol, and I don’t intend to. I know what misery it can cause a family. Many times my fiance has asked me to take a sip of his cocktail, but I refused. I’ve tried to get Phil to cut down on his alcohol consumption, but he always says that he can control his drinking whenever he wants to. But he never seems like he wants to.

My parents like Phil, but think he might already be an alcoholic, so they keep preaching to me not to marry him until he has stopped drinking altogether. I’m not sure this will ever happen. I fear he, like his father, is an alcoholic and not like his social drinking mother. Would it be possible that Phil would quit drinking after we are married? He says he loves me and would do anything for me.

Christine, San Antonio

Christine: Don’t marry Phil at this time. Promises to quit sometime in the future are insufficient. Make sure he understands he has no chance of being your husband until his alcohol problem is eliminated. It’s very possible that you will never marry Phil!

Write to Dr. Wallace
at rwallace@galesburg.net