When are kids old enough for cellphones?

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Updated: March 6, 2012 8:06AM

Dear Harriette: My daughter is in the second grade and has been bugging me to give her a cellphone. I have told her she is too young and doesn’t need one. She points out other children who have phones. I think they are in higher grades, but either way, I am not doing that. I think she is far too young to have access to who knows what kind of information or people. What do you think is the right age to give a child a phone?

Holding Out,
Staten Island, N.Y.

Dear Holding Out: I agree that a second-grader is too young to have a phone. At age 7 or 8, a child should always be under adult supervision. I think children may benefit from having cellphones when they begin to travel independently of adults. That tends to begin at about age 10 or 11, when they may go to school without their parents or attend extracurricular activities and then make their way home alone.

Whenever you do give your child a phone, make sure to put tight limits on the numbers she can call and the amount of texting she can do. Then stay on top of it, monitoring all communication.

Dear Harriette: I got into a big argument with a friend via a barrage of harsh text messages, and we haven’t spoken since. I couldn’t believe how rude my friend was to me and the nerve she had to do it electronically. We used to be real confidantes, and we talked about everything in what I thought were sensitive ways. I am hurt and feel like I don’t know how to mend the fence, or if I even want to.

What do you recommend when friends “break up” via text?

Should I pick up the phone? What should I say? I am still upset.

Seething in Seattle

Dear Seething: You have just experienced something that is sure to become more common over time. Technology can cause all kinds of problems for people when it isn’t managed well.

Whenever you feel emotionally charged about something, DO NOT write about it in an email or text or send a voicemail message. The best thing to do when you are heated is to be with yourself and calm down. Think about the situation from different angles, and try to find reason within the situation. Then do your best to address the conflict as directly as possible — preferably face-to-face.

This didn’t happen in your case, and now you and your friend have had a serious falling-out. When you feel emotionally grounded, contact your friend and tell her you want to talk about what happened. Explain how hurt you were and how you feel now. Tell her specifically what upset you.

If you want to rekindle your friendship, tell her that.

Take the time to listen to her side. Agree to resist the temptation of texting each other in the future with information that should be shared face-to-face.

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