Time is a universal healer
June 1, 2012 6:14PM
Updated: July 6, 2012 8:40AM
Dr. Wallace: Two months ago my ex-boyfriend and a friend were killed in a terrible car accident. Their car veered off the road and both of them died instantly when the car rolled over and down an embankment. When I heard about it, I went into total shock, and I couldn’t even bear to attend the funeral and see him in the casket.
We had broken up four months ago and had been discussing the possibility of getting back together again. I thought I loved him, but I wasn’t quite sure. But now, I realize that I really did love him, and I keep thinking about him every waking moment. The last words that I heard him say to me on my cellphone were, “Honey, I love you.” And now I will never hear him say those words again.
I’m a high school senior, and I will be attending college in the fall, so I am trying to keep up with my studies, but I have trouble concentrating in class. I feel so helpless and depressed, but I don’t know what to do to ease my pain. Please tell me what I can do to get back on track.
Nameless, Somewhere in Fla.
Nameless: They say that “time” is the universal healer of all wounds, both physical and emotional. Your depression and sadness will eventually fade and memories of happier times will remain. You will never forget this tragic event and the loss of your close friend, but as you begin the new chapter of your life, you will be busy creating new friendships and memories to add to the happy ones of the past.
If your depression continues and you feel you are incapable of overcoming the loss of your friend, please seek professional counseling. Contact me in a few weeks and let me know of your healing process.
Dr. Wallace: My husband and I are both 20, and we have a 2-year-old daughter. We have never had a baby sitter because my mother helped us when we were lucky enough to get a night out alone.
About a month ago, my mom and dad had to move to Sacramento because of his job. We will now have a 16-year-old neighbor girl be our regular sitter whenever we go out. She has a baby-sitting certificate from the Red Cross; she is dependable; and she has baby-sat for other neighbors, so I feel comfortable with her. This is very important for me, and I need to ask your advice. Should we set the hourly rate or ask the young lady what her rate is? Also, are we expected to supply snacks and if so, what kind? I really appreciate your help.
Mother, San Jose, Calif.
Mother: It’s not absolutely mandatory, but the great majority of parents supply snacks for baby sitters. As you know, teens have insatiable appetites. You should contact the sitter and ask her about her hourly rate (it usually increases after midnight). While chatting with her, find out what her favorite snacks are and then make them available. You should always leave written instructions for the sitter, a list of emergency numbers, and your cellphone number or the number of the place where you will be. Also, leave the number of another adult family member or close friend in the event you cannot be reached right away.
An experienced and reliable sitter is worth every penny she is paid. You are indeed fortunate to have an excellent substitute for your mom!
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