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Son sleeps in parents’ bed

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Updated: January 1, 2013 6:06AM



Dear Annie: My wife and I have a wonderful 3-year-old son. We have a great home and make good money, but life stinks.

For the past year, my wife has insisted on allowing our son to sleep in our bed. And in case you’re about to ask, the answer is yes, we have not been able to do the one thing that married people normally do in bed.

When my wife puts our son in his own bed, she unbuttons her shirt and lets him nurse until he falls asleep. Without fail, he wakes up before midnight and walks into our room. If I tell him to go back to his room, he starts crying, and my wife then permits him to crawl into our bed.

I went to a therapist on my own. His advice was to tell my wife, “You can sleep in our son’s bed if you want it that way.” Guess what. She did.

He’s the clingiest kid I ever saw, and his mom seems to need him a lot more than he needs her. I feel like I’m competing for her attention. Any advice?

N.Y.

Dear N.Y.: Your wife is using her son as an excuse to avoid intimacy. This does a disservice not only to your marriage, but to your child. He is learning that if he cries, he will get whatever he wants, and that he is winning the competition for Mom’s affections. And yes, she has made it more of a competition than it needs to be.

Please don’t blame your son for being “clingy,” and try not to focus on your sexual frustration.

Instead, try to get your wife to understand that her behavior is unfair to the boy. Urge her to discuss this with her doctor, your child’s pediatrician or a counselor.

Write to anniesmailbox
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