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Mother lacks compassion

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Updated: March 9, 2013 6:05AM



Dear Annie: I lost my beautiful daughter to suicide six months ago.

Naturally, I leaned on my mother for consolation, but I didn’t find it. Instead, my mother was distant and uninterested in my pain. It was an effort even to get her to attend my daughter’s memorial service. She said it would be hypocritical to go, because she hadn’t spoken to my daughter for years. I am well aware of my mother’s inability to talk about things that cause her pain. However, I don’t believe pushing me out of her life solves anything. My mother told me to get mental health assistance, and she refuses to speak to me.

I sought advice from a psychologist, who said I seem very aware of everyone’s feelings and there is nothing wrong with me. I simply need time to heal. She thinks my mother is acting unreasonably.

Not only did I lose my only child, but I also lost my mother when I needed her most. Is there anything I can do to make her understand how painful this is?

Heartbroken

Dear Heartbroken: Our deepest condolences on the loss of your daughter. Your mother sounds incapable of showing sympathy or providing consolation. She may also be feeling guilty for never having reconciled with her granddaughter, believing that there was plenty of time to do so.

We cannot make your mother a more compassionate human being. We can only recommend that you get grief counseling and find support through The Compassionate Friends (compassionatefriends.org) at 1 (877) 969-0010, an organization for parents whose children have died.

Write to anniesmailbox
@comcast.net



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