Updated: March 13, 2013 6:06AM
Dear Annie: Twenty years ago, my wife had an affair with a co-worker. It ended when he moved back to his home state 2,000 miles away. At the time, I asked my wife to go to counseling with me. We made it to one session before she pronounced our marriage “healed.”
Sixteen months ago, out of the blue, this same guy contacted my wife via email, and they began communicating. I discovered they were planning to meet in Las Vegas. I begged her not to go, but she was convinced she loved him and had to know if they should be together.
In the end, this creep flaked out on their Vegas rendezvous, probably because he couldn’t see himself leaving his children for her. She also was reluctant to leave our kids. However, the breakup crushed her, and she initially refused to work on our marriage. Finally, we went to a joint counseling session, but when the therapist made reference to her “profound betrayal,” that was that.
She insists she’s done with this guy, but who really knows? Is it possible to move forward without dealing with the past?
Torn Up in California
Dear Torn: Maybe, but not if your wife is using your marriage as her rebound relationship in order to soothe her heartbreak. You cannot force your wife to work on this, so please get counseling for yourself, on your own. You need to learn what you can live with.
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