Follow your head
By Dr. Robert Wallace ’Tween 12 and 20 April 5, 2013 11:30AM
Updated: May 8, 2013 6:22AM
Dr. Wallace: Mitch and I met at a party. He asked me for my phone number, and I gave it to him. In the past six month,s we have gone out three times. The first date was heavenly. I think I fell in love with him that night. The other two dates weren’t quite so heavenly. Both times he was sexually aggressive and became angry when I refused his advances. I understand from mutual friends that Mitch is quite the “lady’s man” and brags about all the girls he has “conquered.”
Last week he called me and invited me to a party at his brother’s fraternity house. I’d really like to go because it sounds like going to a frat party would be a lot of fun. My heart tells me to go for it, but my head says no. Give me some good advice.
Amber, Lafayette, Ind.
Amber: Fraternity parties can be a lot of fun. They can also resemble “Animal House.” But it’s not the party that should bother you, it’s the struggle afterwards.
Here’s the best advice I can give you: Tell this Casanova to get lost. Generally, when your heart tells you one thing and your head tells you another, you should listen to your head.
Dr. Wallace: My boyfriend and I are both 19, high school graduates and employed full-time. Carl is a car salesman for his uncle’s dealership while I am a food server at an upscale restaurant. Together we have saved over $7,000 for our future together. We will be married, but when is the big question.
My parents (I live at home) think we are too young and are encouraging us to wait a year or two longer before we say, “I do.” Carl’s family sort of feels the same way, but they are not as adamant as mine.
Your answer will have nothing to do with our decision about our wedding date. Still, I would like to know your philosophy on the most desirable age a couple should be before going to the altar.
Kim, Phoenix, Ariz.
Kim: I have no “one-size-fits-all” philosophy of marriage. I don’t recommend marrying too young but concede the point that many people who marry in their teens make their marriages work and last a lifetime. And many who delay marriage well past high school still wind up in divorce court.
Age at the time of betrothal is far less important than the couple’s maturity, readiness for such a change and depth of love for one another. I do, however, feel that when one or both partners are still in school, marriage should be delayed until after graduation.
Dr. Wallace: Why are you so against alcohol when it is completely legal for everyone age 21 or older?
Vickie, Las Vegas, Nev.
Vickie: Alcohol has ruined many families because it has high potential for misuse and abuse. Statistics compiled by the National Council on alcoholism show that one alcohol drinker in 12 is an alcoholic and more than 300,000 alcohol-related deaths occur each year in the United States. I could add additional anti-alcohol facts, but I think you get my point.
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