Updated: May 29, 2013 6:04AM
Dr. Wallace: I’m 14 and recently was told by my mom and dad that they are not my birth parents. I was really shocked. I love these two people very much, but I strongly despise my birth mother who didn’t love me enough to keep me, so she gave me away to a couple of strangers. Some teens want to find their birth mothers and even fathers, but I’m not interested in the least.
To all mothers out there who gave their own flesh and blood away to strangers, I hope your conscience still bothers you. I feel abandoned!
Nameless, Moline, Ill.
Nameless: There are many reasons why a mother gives up her baby to a loving couple. Almost always, she does it because she loves the infant deeply, but knows she cannot care for him or her properly. Seldom does a birth mom lightly “abandon” her flesh and blood.
Please read the following letter from a woman who was adopted. Her message may cause you to rethink your feelings about your birth mother.
Dr. Wallace: I want to express my admiration for all the mothers who had the love and courage to give their babies up for adoption so the child would have a better chance at life.
I was adopted as an infant (I’m now 24, with a family of my own), and I thank the Good Lord daily for the wise decision my birth mother made when she placed me up for adoption to a loving husband and wife. Having a baby of my own, I finally understand how much my birth mother loved me and how difficult it must have been to make that choice. My adoptive parents gave me the kind of family that my birth mother wished for me -- a home full of love, stability and nurturing.
I want to assure my birth mother that her decision to allow me to be loved by adoptive parents was the right one. I ask the Lord to bless my birth mother and father for their love, courage and compassion. My birth mother gave the promise of a happy life to me and to the couple who couldn’t otherwise have a baby. That unselfish love is the essence of life. How extraordinary; how beautiful!
Meghan, Lake Mary, Fla.
Meghan: Thanks for your sincere and encouraging letter. It will bring joy and peace to the lives of the many young women who have given their children to loving, adoptive parents.
Dr. Wallace: I read your column about the 19-year-old boy marrying the 16-year-old girl. I hope it works out for them, but I agree with you regarding young marriages. Your advice to wait until the girl was 18 and out of high school was excellent advice.
My husband was 18, and I was 16 when we married, and that was seven years ago. We’ve had our problems, but we love each other very much. I don’t regret marrying him, but when I think of the many things that I missed in high school, including the prom and graduation, I sometimes wish we had waited a few more years.
We are looking forward to our 3-year-old daughter going to school dances, proms, graduation parties and, hopefully, college, before she says, “I do.”
Nameless, Talladega, Ala.
NAMELESS: Thanks for sharing your experiences with us. The important thing is that you have a happy marriage. For that, I am delighted.
Write to Dr. Wallace at firstname.lastname@example.org