Some parents are enablers

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Updated: February 20, 2012 8:08AM

Dear Annie: I am in a relationship with a widower. He is a thoughtful person and works two jobs. His two adult sons live in his home with their girlfriends. Neither of the boys pays rent. Nor do they buy groceries or cleaning supplies. They never offer to take their father out to dinner or do anything special for him. Their father buys their vehicles and pays their insurance.

The house is in shambles. The boys’ only responsibility is to take the trash to the dump and mow the yard in the summer. The boys show little respect for their father.

My boyfriend thinks that this is normal behavior and that I am the one with the problem. He believes it is his responsibility to take care of them, because they don’t have “good” jobs that pay a lot of money. He would never kick them out.

We don’t live together and never will under these circumstances. My boyfriend reads your column every day. Will you tell him I’m not the only one who thinks this situation stinks?

Kick ’Em Out!

Dear Kick: Some parents have such soft spots for their children that they become enablers, allowing the kids to postpone adulthood. This is unfortunate for the children. They never learn to support themselves or manage their money and are forever dependent on others to take care of them. However, these are not your children, and how your boyfriend chooses to deal with them is only your business if you marry him. Right now, we don’t recommend it.

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