Grandma sticks to flashy fashion choices

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Updated: February 16, 2012 8:07AM

Dear Harriette: My grandmother is 80-something, but she dresses like she’s 40 or even younger. She wears miniskirts and cropped tops. She’s in decent shape, but I don’t think she has any business exposing her body parts like that.

She follows all the trends in the magazines with makeup and stuff, like wearing bright pink lipstick and colorful mascara. On a teenager, I could see that this might look interesting, but when she wears it, she looks nuts.

Should I care that people look at her and comment? How should I react to this? She has always been like this, but in her old age, she just looks like she’s lost it.

Fashion Police, Seattle

Dear Fashion Police: Your grandmother definitely sounds like a character. It also sounds like this isn’t the first time you have been uncomfortable about the way she puts herself together. Since you’ve never gotten her to conform before, you may as well accept her for who she is.

She obviously doesn’t care what people think about her, so you have to let that go. Instead of worrying about her style, pay attention to what she says and how she behaves. If you grow concerned about her mental faculties, it’s time to step in.

If she is out by herself at night, you might want to point out that being more modestly clothed would likely be a safer option. Translation: “Bring a coat or a jacket, Granny, when you go outside in your fashion looks.”

Dear Harriette: My husband’s brother is extremely ill.

He actually has been sick for many years, but his mother just told us he has very little time left to live. My husband won’t go visit him. I think he is in denial that his brother is about to die, or maybe he can’t bear to see him. Whatever my husband’s reasons are, I know it is upsetting to his mother. She has been by her son’s side for all the years of his illness. Now, at the end, she feels like she is alone.

How can I help her without angering my husband by pressuring him to do something he doesn’t want to do?

Caught in the Middle, Washington, D.C.

Dear Caught In The Middle: I’m so sorry about your brother-in-law. Dealing with death is hard, and people handle their grief in different ways.

You are right that you cannot force your husband to do anything. What you can do as a member of the family is to console his mother. Talk to her as often as you can, and go to visit your husband’s brother.

Prepare yourself. Tell him that you and your husband love him, and be ready to say goodbye. When he goes, help your husband face his brother’s death without passing judgment. Just love him, and be patient.

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