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Bruce Cameron

In his own words: I was born in Petoskey, Michigan and for a long time it looked like that would be my most impressive life …Read More

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Diet situation’s current status

I’ve tried several diets over the past couple of years, not because I need to lose weight but because my pants are trying to cut me in two. I showed these defective pants to my wife, who suggested that perhaps it was an indication that …

Sometimes dinner really bugs me

You may wonder why insects are causing so much buzz lately. It’s because people are eating them — and not just in order to get on Reality Television. For example, in San Francisco, there’s a food truck named Don Bugito that serves such fare as …

Dinner with my niece and nephew

As an adult, I prefer to sit at the kids’ table. The conversation is always more interesting, tending to focus on what food people can, under the right circumstances, shove up their noses. Over at the adults’ table, the discussion usually winds up being political, …

Introducing the new ‘book’

Move over, Kindle: Cameron Industries, a mono-national corporation headed by CEO W. Bruce Cameron (no relation), announced today it will soon be marketing the “next generation” of portable readers. Dubbed the “book,” Cameron predicts it will take the world by storm. As described by Cameron, …

Bruce and the real girl

My dog Tucker likes to walk late at night because it is a good way to keep me awake. Apparently the one time I took him for a stroll around midnight represented, to him, a commitment similar to marriage. No matter what I’m doing at …

Code word for health care: stat

Good news for doctors! Under federal mandate, they will no longer be forced to pick from 18,000 numerical claim codes when filing an insurance claim for an office visit. Now, the number of claim codes will be 140,000. That’s a 678 percent increase in codes, …

Car-buying trauma

Alert readers of this column are aware that I’ve recently been advised by my trusty mechanic, Marvin Walletdrainer, that my car is ready to cross the rainbow bridge. I asked him if he thought I could drive it for a few more weeks, and he …

A car is more than the sum of its parts, right?

I own an automobile built by one of the better N.D. (Now Defunct) car companies. I’m worried that parts will become harder and harder to come by, so I take my faithful car into my mechanic, Melvin Wallet-drainer. “I want you to give it a …

The best dog movie

The publication of my new novel, “Emory’s Gift,” gets me a meeting with a Hollywood producer who professes to be a “big fan” of my work, though in his email he confesses he hasn’t yet read any of it. He’s a man in his 30s …

Vote for me!

I am pleased to announce my candidacy for president of the United States of America and will now open the floor for questions. Q: What are your qualifications for president? A: Well, first, I have to say I resent this sort of “gotcha” question that …

Vwitter me this!

Silicon Valley, Calif. — Move over, Twitter, a new service promises to drastically improve on the 140-character text messaging software by adding video. Vwitter, a “video Twitter,” will be launching soon, says CEO W. Bruce Cameron. “Basically, users will be able to send 1.4-second ‘Vweets’ …

Dog vs. man

A nnouncer: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to today’s wrestling match between Tucker, a mixed-breed dog age 10 months and weighing 22 pounds who must take a pill, and Bruce, an aging guy of Scottish extraction at 160 pounds. Commentator: That can’t be right. He’s heavier …

Tech support for mom

When my mother calls and says, “Do you have just a second?” I know I’d better find a comfortable chair because this is going to take awhile. “Your dad and I want to watch a DVD, and I can’t remember how to make it work,” …

My kind of criminals

I’ve always thought that I’d make a pretty good police officer, except maybe for the danger part. I have a rare medical condition that makes it difficult for me to risk getting shot, so probably I’d have to be one of those officers who work …

At the coffee shop

I know it sounds strange, but I’m one of those people who goes to a coffee shop to drink coffee. I don’t bring my laptop so that people will see that I’m so busy that I can’t even take a coffee break without working, nor …

Unnecessary sister

There’s a legend in my family that when I was 7 years old, I tried to trade my sister for a dog. This isn’t actually true: I would never have done that! What I said was that if the family across the street wanted my …

Bruce the Answer Man on birthdays for women

Welcome to another edition of Bruce the Answer Man! Today’s topic: Human relationships, are they possible? Let’s go with the first caller. Caller: Hello, Answer Man, longtime listener, first-time caller. Oh, and due to the sensitive nature of my topic, I want to remain anonymous. …