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19 vs. 14 is significant difference in ages

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Updated: January 23, 2012 2:26AM



Dr. Wallace: I know this is unusual, but I’m a 19-year-old young lady who is head over heels in love with a 14-year-old guy. And I know that he loves me, too. He is the brother of my former best friend. I say former because she deserted me when Steve and I started seeing one another.

It’s hard for me to understand why I’m attracted to Steve, but I am. He is highly intelligent and very mature. In fact, I’ve never been around a guy as mature as Steve. He’s wonderful and treats me like a queen. His parents are not thrilled that we date, but they have not interfered. We spend much of our time listening to music, going to concerts and movies and having snacks afterward.

My problem is that most of my friends think that I’ve got an emotional hang-up, and one by one they are leaving me. This bothers me very much. Not one of my friends will double date with Steve and me. What should I do? Stop seeing Steve, only because of his age, or keep losing my close friends? I had about 10, and I’m down to two and counting.

Abby, New Orleans

Abby: I understand that the “love bug” can bite anyone at any time, but I firmly believe that 19-year-olds should not be dating younger teens, regardless of their mental maturity. You are an adult and he is but a young boy. I’m not asking you to stop dating Steve because of your friends; I’m asking you to stop seeing him because of the age difference, which is significant.

Dr. Wallace: I’m 16 and had been dating Mario, who is 18, for over a year. He dumped me because he got “tired” of me. I was devastated and cried continually. I had a difficult time sleeping and hardly ate anything. That happened two months ago. I finally got over my depression and decided to go out with other guys. This made Mario upset because he is a very jealous guy.

Yesterday, he called me and said that if I went out with another guy, he would beat him up and then he would do the same to me. Mario is very strong and has a mean temper. What should I do? He doesn’t want me, but he doesn’t want anyone else to have me. Help!

Nameless, Del Rio, Texas

Nameless: This guy is a big bully and needs to be put in his place. Discuss things with your parents. And then contact your local police department and ask them to please contact Mario and inform him of the consequences if he should carry out his threat.

I’m sure they will remind him that he will be tried as an adult if he breaks the law.



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