Adoption process changing with the Internet

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Brian Oster tosses his adopted son Anthony, 13 months, into the air as from left, Ann, Brianna, 5, and R.J., 16, look on in their Northwest Indiana home Saturday, July 30, 2011. | Scott M. Bort~Sun-Times Media

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Updated: November 2, 2011 3:41AM

Two and a half years ago, adopting another child was a “whatever is meant to be will be” scenario for Ann Oster and her husband, Brian.

The Osters told Catholic Charities Adoption coordinator Lisa Kavanaugh they would stay on the list of potential adoptive parents until July 2010. A month before the deadline, newborn Anthony James came home in June, and the Osters became a family of five.

“We were so happy, but it was just like almost surreal. Did this just really happen?” Ann Oster said. “Do we have a baby right now?”

Catholic Charities of the Diocese of Gary, one of the largest child placing agencies in Northwest Indiana, is seeing a notable increase in couples wanting to adopt, but a corresponding decrease in the number of birth moms. Usually, the not-for-profit has placed 10 babies by now, and averages between 10 to 15 placements a year, Kavanaugh said. This year, they’ve had one as of mid-July.

“There’s no reason why the numbers should be down,” Kavanaugh said. “No idea; we are trying to figure that out ourselves.”

Catholic Charities had hoped the Indiana General Assembly’s attempt to defund Planned Parenthood would mean more placements.

However, shortly after the state Legislature adjourned, Planned Parenthood of Indiana successfully sought a preliminary injunction barring much of the law from being enforced. The state is appealing.

“We have not seen an increase with that yet,” Kavanaugh said. “Hopefully in the near future we will.”

A better life

At Catholic Charities, eight families are on the waiting list to adopt, and not more than 10 couples are kept on the list at a given time. Wait periods extend from a few months up to two years.

Potential adoptive parents can specify preferences such as the age of the child, and birth moms have the option of choosing families based on profiles provided by the not-for-profit.

Most times the birth mom wants to pick the family, which was the case in the Oster’s adoption.

The Osters weren’t new to the adoption process. They adopted their 5-year-old daughter from Guatemala when she was 9 months old.

When the country didn’t reopen for adoptions, the Osters turned to the possibility of a domestic child and found Catholic Charities.

Originally, the Osters requested a child between the ages of 2 and 4, but Kavanaugh asked if they’d consider an infant.

“I talked to my husband and of course being a man he said, ‘Yes, yes, that would be great, let’s do an infant,’ ” Oster said.

In May 2010, a birth mother came to the not-for-profit. She looked through the profiles and picked the Osters.

“It was a truly sad but happy story because she did something that, granted I’m sure she wanted to keep the baby, she knew the best thing to do was to give the baby up … She just wanted a better life for her baby,” Oster said, “and we were the ones she chose.”

Anthony was born in early June, and his birth mom made the final decision to give him for adoption at the hospital. Oster remembers walking into his hospital room for the first time. The birth mom asked if Oster wanted to hold him.

Kavanaugh asked Oster if she was sure, but Oster remembers feeling peace that the baby would be loved whatever the birth mom decided.

“I didn’t have a problem holding him,” Oster said. “He was just so sweet, so little. I felt a connection to him right away.”

Changes in adoption

Birth moms are more apt to find adoptive parents themselves instead of going through agencies, as resources have boomed online, according to Tina Sanchez-Wright, founder and director of Adoptions and Family Support Network. Sanchez-Wright founded the Highland-based not-for-profit in 2007.

“What I’m seeing compared to adoption 10 years ago is I don’t know if there’s been a decrease in birth moms so much as they are finding their own families. They aren’t going through agencies anymore,” Sanchez-Wright said.

She works with both potential adoptive parents and birth parents and provides counseling and parenting services. One of her main suggestions to those wishing to adopt is to do their own marketing. Before the Internet, Sanchez-Wright believes more birth moms relied on agencies because they didn’t know where to turn. Now some of her families are receiving calls from moms out of state.

“Adoption is more out in the open. People talk about it and know more about it. They know someone who did it or is adopted,” Sanchez-Wright said. “So people, and with the Internet, they are very savvy about getting the help they need or finding a family. We’re seeing more of that.”

Lake County’s adoption landscape has changed, Sanchez-Wright said. Her organization is relatively small, fielding around 30 calls a year. She knows of agencies such as Lutheran Social Services of Indiana that closed their Lake County office. Lutheran still maintains satellite adoption services in Northwest Indiana.

“A couple of agencies that were there several years ago aren’t there either,” Sanchez-Wright said. “Either with the economy, I know a lot of people who work in other agencies in other states that are closing down a lot of programs.”

HDI Family Counseling in Merrillville offers counseling services to families referred by the Indiana Department of Child Services, and some of those are families and children preparing for adoption.

HDI is just one of the many agencies DCS contracts, but currently they don’t have an adoption referral, said Clinical Director Len Dora Hawkins.

“In the past, there have been some years during the contract we did several families, and other times we would only do a couple of families,” Hawkins said. “Our numbers aren’t up this year.”

A year in a blink

The day Anthony came home, Oster walked into her front door.

“Here is the baby, I’ll be back in two hours,” Oster remembers telling her sister.

The family had planned for a toddler, and now that a newborn had come home, she needed to shop for essentials.

Oster hadn’t told any family members besides her two sisters a baby was close to joining their family.

“Honestly, it was the best experience I ever had,” said Oster of the adoption. “It was truly people helping people.”

Anthony’s year was full of milestones. In January, his adoption became the first finalized in Lake County. Five months later, he turned 1.

The Osters threw their youngest a Western-themed party for his first birthday full of cowboy hats, a cotton candy machine and enough farm animals for the family’s neighbors to get a good laugh.

“I blinked,” Oster said, “and I felt like the year was gone.”