Carrol Vertrees: Life’s joys put pain, suffering in context

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Carrol Vertrees

Updated: December 21, 2011 8:08AM

Lee Trevino, a witty golf champion, was knocked out by lightning when he stood under a tree with his golf bag during a storm. Later, he said, “Every golfer should carry a one-iron because even God can’t hit a one-iron.”

This humorous reference that golfers can relate to suggests there are some things that even God cannot do, a truth we don’t like to talk about.

A neighbor back on the farm was digging a well and it was not working. One day he shouted, “I think God doesn’t want us to have water.” He did not believe that, but could not control his anger and frustration. But he kept on digging and the well came gushing in.

I suspect that when things are tough we should just keep on digging for answers. But I think we expect too much from God and blame him for our pain and misfortunes. We ask, as Job did, why bad things come to us. We do it because we are human, and we often are slow learners.

My low-level theology got a boost when I reread Harold Kushner’s wonderful little book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People.”

When Job wondered about what had happened to him, it was a cry of pain, not a question that could be answered.

Some of his friends tried to give him a lesson in theology and explain it all instead of offering sympathy. They made it worse.

Job needed someone to listen, just to be there, as we do I when we are hurting and wondering. We do not need lectures.

As Kushner reminds us, we all, inevitably, must face grief, sadness, pain, and surely we wonder why. It is, of course, because we are human, the consequence of being alive. This may be obvious to most people, but I needed the reminder — I am a slow learner and a fast forgetter.

When we blame God we make him look like a coach, going through his big playbook, wondering who should be punished or rewarded. Do we really believe God works that way?

I don’t know if God has much to do with causing or healing illnesses — that is too profound for me. But I am a “good” guy, as most of us are most of the time, so why would I be hit with pain and sorrow? My kids are honest, my parents were proud of me, I cheated on exams only when desperate, I would help an aged woman across the street even if she didn’t want to go, and besides, I sing in my church choir! I laugh as I ponder that one.

The real question, the test, is how we handle adversity, not just why we are hit by it. When we wonder if we deserve sorrow and pain, we should also wonder if we deserve to see the sun rise, smell the flowers, hear a baby laugh, feel the touch of a friendly hand. There is beauty all around. Let us be glad.

Kushner reminds us that God listens, that we are not alone. But expecting immunity from bad things in this world of humans is folly.

He says, “There is a crucial difference between ... insisting that everything is for the best, and seeing a tragedy in the context of a whole life, keeping our eyes and minds on what has enriched you, and not only on what you have lost.”

A friend said that a pastor who visited her in a hospital just sat there quietly, rarely talking. He was there, letting her know that she was not alone. Listening is much better medicine than a theology lesson. There is a lesson for us all in that one.