Gorches: And your Super Bowl ad winners & losers are ...

Updated: March 8, 2012 8:17AM

Another Super Bowl, another thrilling ending that came down to the final minute.

But we all know unless you’re a Giants or Patriots fan, the most important part of the annual TV ratings juggernaut is the commercials.

Who doesn’t love watching how multi-billion-dollar corporations spend about $2.5 million per 30-second spot in their attempt at taking more money from our wallets?

And that leads to my annual analyzing of those expensive Super Bowl ads and which ones were the best — as well as the ones that flopped.

Top 5 worst

5. Hyundai’s “Rocky”: An office worker is feeling down and so everyone around him and beyond starts humming the theme from the “Rocky” movies and he’s inspired. I get it, but I don’t get it. And no one else in my living room got it either. But at least Hyundai can be proud to be in my worst and best this year, as you’ll see later.

4. Go Daddy: The web-hosting service always has the raunchiest ads in the Super Bowl, and I’m usually all for that. But they’re getting old, and Danica Patrick’s luster is wearing off.

3. Chevy trucks: So really, Chevrolet is taking advantage of the 2012 end of the world stuff by saying their trucks will save us from the apocalypse? Another 30 seconds of my life I can’t retrieve, and every second counts since we’re all doomed in December.

2. Budweiser/Bud Light: This beer company’s ads are usually pretty good. There’s at least one that stands out. But they were all pretty disappointing this time. The prohibition one was especially long and drawn out.

1. Chrysler: Speaking of being too long, the car company’s Detroit tribute ad was two minutes long. It might as well have been two hours long since that’s what it seemed like. I couldn’t tell if it was a political ad or something else with Clint Eastwood telling me about our country’s halftime.

Dishonorable mention: The Sketchers ad with the bulldog Mr. Quiggly wearing the shoes during a dog race just missed my worst five. Marc Cuban asking the dog, “What do you mean you want to new contract?” at the end saved it.

My top 5 ads

5. Hyundai’s cheetah: The Korean carmaker made up for its “Rocky” ad with the one having a guy release a cheetah from a cage to chase a Hyundai car. Instead, the cheetah turns around and chases the guy who released him.

4. Honda CR-V: Some pundits had this remake of Ferris Bueller’s Day Off the top ad. I’m just a humble sportswriter, but I do like an old Matthew Broderick driving a CR-V after calling his agent and taking the day off.

3. Audi HED headlights: At first, you have to think, why is there a commercial just for a car’s headlights? But the ad sells itself, especially to vampire lovers out there. A vampire drive his Audi to a vampire gathering in the forest. When he arrives, the headlights are so bright, all the vampires start disintegrating. It ends with the driver looking at them and evaporating himself.

2. M&Ms naked: The funniest part of the candy-maker’s ad with a brown female M&M being misconstrued as naked instead of having a brown shell is the male red M&M who took off his shell doing the “wiggle” dance at the end.

1. Doritos: This company always has at least one memorable ad, and its best this year was the homicidal dog. A man is working in his garden when he sees his dog burying something that looks like the tags from a cat on a missing poster. It happens to be his family’s cat, but the dog quickly brings him a bag of Doritos with a post-it-note saying, “You didn’t see nuthin.”

It ends with the man sitting in his house, finishing the Doritos, when his wife says, “Honey, have you seen our cat?” The man looks outside and the dig is sitting on the patio with another bag of Doritos. His obvious answer is, “Nope.”

Honorable mention: Acura’s ad with Jerry Seinfeld trying to bribe a man ahead of him on the waiting list for a new Acura NSX. It might have made my top five if not for the cameo by Jay Leno. I would have preferred David Letterman.

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