Hutton: Meet Twitter’s latest victim

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TAB MUG HUTTON Andy Lavalley/Post-Tribune ptmet

Updated: February 16, 2012 8:32AM

I have joyously (with contempt, derision and utter skepticism) leaped head-first into the wide-open, exhilarating (completely insane, chaotic and mostly irrelevant) world of Twitterdom.

My next-to-last tweet was on Friday night to my 7,000 (70) followers about LaPorte beating Merrillville 71-69 in overtime in a fantastic high school basketball game. I tweeted it because I’m sure you all wanted to know about the outcome of the game (can’t you just pick up the newspaper in the morning?).

Everything I tweet is absolutely essential (trivial) information.

My own personal Twitter feed is filled with useful nuggets (trifling and amateurish mish-mash) from journalists, athletes, editors and random people from all over the world.

I don’t know how I’d get through the day without Twitter (I’d actually have time to make the bed in the morning and make sure the kids ate a proper breakfast before they got off to school) or how society communicated important, but not official, information before Twitter (They wrote letters and had personal conversations).

I’m particularly partial to getting about 12 straight tweets (can’t stand it) from a college basketball game between Penn State and Michigan that I am absolutely vested in (couldn’t care less about). I like (hate) the way it makes my Twitter feed flow so I can easily mine the numerous (very few) nuggets of important stuff that comes to me from my Twitter lineup.

Twitter makes me, a professional journalist, feel important and worthwhile (just like any other person with a computer and an opinion on something). It’s a tool that complements (devalues) the stories we report and write about.

I must tweet now when I’m covering an event (or I’ll feel like a lazy slob) because the news cycle never sleeps and people need to know what happened right now (or something awful will happen). If you see me at a game, head down with my fingers pounding a keyboard, chances are I’m tweeting. Don’t bother me. What I’m disseminating to my 7,000 followers (70) is off-the-charts important, unique and exclusively from me (probably something that anyone there could say).

Tweeting has enhanced (absolutely ruined) the professional experience of watching games and writing about them. All the seemingly unrelated tidbits of information that are dispatched make the stories richer and deeper (there is no time for real depth anymore).

Use of the phrase, “Ha, Ha” or “He, He” is absolutely essential (get it, it’s funny?) to indicating that a tweet is humorous. Incorporate it always (never) when sending out tummy-tickling tweets.

Punctuation — use all lowercase letters, weird abbreviations and approximate spellings of words when in doubt — is unimportant for a tweet (it makes it look like you can’t write). It’s the thought (even if it’s unintelligible) that counts.

The beautiful thing about Twitter is that everyone (it should be illegal for some people) can have an audience. All you need to do is sign up with a handle (hello, Twitter World). It’s liberating (intimidating and empty) once you’ve actually tweeted. Go ahead and try it. We need more people tweeting to enhance (clog up) the Twittersphere and my personal feed.

Everybody knows (a whole subset of people have no idea) about Twitter.

I asked my brother to follow me on Twitter so I could get up to 7,001 (71) followers and he said, “What is it and how do I sign up?” That’s why I’m still stuck at 7,000 (70).

Journalists have to use Twitter because that is where all the young people are going to find their news. (sometimes, I just want to be in a different room).

Please, please, follow me on Twitter at MikeHuttonPT. I’ll try to (maybe not) have something original, unique and interesting and hip to say. I’m convinced (I have no idea) that I have to figure this out.